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So I’m just back from my full body treatment at the day spa in Hillsborough - considering what to put on. I’m thinking - ' my little black Dior dress, my new red Manolo’s and of course I never leave the house without the Gucci bag!

So I’m making my way to the house of Fraser while thanking whoever it was that decided at last to put a shopping complex in Belfast that has some class. Having to go to New York for all my clothes was becoming tiresome - and I’m also worried about the effects of jet lag on the ageing process.

Anyway, I’m just after spending nine hundred pounds that daddy gave me on a dress for tonight when ‘Malone Grange’ Nichola rings me. It’s so hard to be civil to people of a lower class than yourself.

After inquiring how she got my number I told her I planned to go to the Front Page to see some spide from Belfast rapping about the problems of the working classes?

I told her she should come. She would understand the material and fit in with the unsavory clientele of the seedy public house… She seemed upset. I told her it wasn’t my fault that she had a reputation for being as easy as a fresher in Kelly’s. She hung up.

So I arrive at the front page and immediately I feel like I’m at an audition for Oliver Twist. These people are actual travelers!

So standing in front of the stage that night I’m thinking po - tential. The baggy clothes will have to go of course - and the hair - and probably the accent. But we can work on him. Bottom line is – he’s an artiste - and artistes - are never lower class.

So I’m speaking to Felicity the following morning and I’m like O.M.G. - last night’s escapades… you will never believe the scandal! I filled her in on all the gossip and said could you imagine it? Me? The girlfriend of a famous Belfast Rapper? And he might even write a song about me - and think of the wedding pictures in the Ulster Tatler! And all of a sudden felicity rudely interrupts me… ‘Bee Mick See…oh I’ve heard of him. You know he’s fucked Sharon? And he was fucking shit. And he’s gross. And he’s not even from Belfast…he’s a fucking yank!

credits

from Tales of Self Preservation Gone Wrong, released May 25, 2012

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Bee Mick See Belfast, UK

Born in Portland. Lives in Belfast.
Raps and composes music.

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